I am thankful that we have anther hospital to choose from in Vancouver but My family has had too much experience with the new hospital. Yeasterday was trip three for the family number two for Maddie! Not only was it her second trip this year but it she also got her second cat-scan! I have come to the conclusion that there is a magnet in Maddie's little head and it is attracted to any hard surface!
Yeasterday before church Maddie and I were outside enjoying the nice weather. It was 11:30 Maddie needed to have lunch so we could go to church. She played outside while I got her lunch ready. I was in the kitchen tossing her little salad and thats when I heard it...a very large thump followed by cries. I ran to see what happened to find Maddie on the ground, under the chaise lounge, marks on the side of her head. I scooped her up called my mama who said "take her in". As I was gathering my bag and turning off the stove I noticed a large bruise in the middle of her forehead, that sent me over the edge. Once we got the the ER we waited 45 minutes and of course Maddie started running around the waiting room like nothing ever happened! Once we saw the doctor she said I had three options, take Maddie and watch her myself, get a cat-scan or stay there and they would watch her for a few hours. Since we are leaving in a few days for vacation and I know symptoms of a larger problem can show up a few days later I opted for the cat-scan. Of course Maddie screamed through the entire thing but luckly was a little champ and they didn't have to restrain her.
Today she is fine the redness is gone and she is left with a couple scratching and a nice bruise. As for that nice new hospital I have seem enough of their E.R and I hope to be done visiting them for a very long time!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
An end in sight???
Today I took Maddie to see her G.I. specialist, Dr. Fridge. It was a fantastic visit! We learned that Maddie is growing and gaining weight like any healthy child should and she is doing well with half her medicine. She is doing so well that we do not have to go back to Dr. Fridge unless we can not get her completely off her medicine. If all goes well Maddie will be off her medicine and Reflux free by the end of the year, maybe even by her second birthday! It has been a long road but it looks like we have made it...I am so pleased with what a little trooper Maddie has been through all this.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Makes me smile
So a friend of mine posted this on facebook:
Here are my Top 10 Breastfeeding Slogans:
1. I breastfeed because I couldn't produce enough formula.
2. Breastmilk: Never Been Recalled.
3. I drink until I pass out.
4. If breastfeeding in public disturbs you, please feel free to put a blanket over your face.
5. My baby does not like to eat in the bathroom, do you?
6. Yes, I am still breastfeeding; get over it.
7. Formula-$10. Paci- $2. Breastfeeding - Priceless.
8. Don't be a weaner. Breastfeeding is for toddler's too!
9. When you feed your children in a bathroom, I will too.
10. Instant Happy Baby: Just add breastmilk.
My favorite of course is number 6! I never thought I would get to this place. Before Maddie was born I had all these ideas about how wonderful nursing was going to be and how much it would bond us together. Once Maddie was born the guilt set in...I hated nursing! I didn't feel the bonding from nursing that everyone else talked about I bonded with Maddie doing everything so nursing was nothing special. I was determined to continue nursing because it was best for her and all the recommendation say you should exclusively breastfeed to six months and continue to breastfeed for a year. Then Maddie got sick to the point that nursing was the only thing that comforted her. While I hated nursing her a billion times a day I wasn't getting the help from the medical community that I needed and it made her feel better so I did it. Somewhere along the way I realized that it isn't my favorite part of our relationship but it means so much to her and brings her comfort so I accepted it. People ask me about getting her on milk now that she is all most two. It has to be her choice I have offered it to her but she has no interest. Her GI doc said "good luck with that" I guess reflux babies never really take to milk. So we continue this relationship. It is far less frequent, 3 times at the most a day unless she isn't feeling well. I have come to not really care what others think...they do not know what it is like to walk the reflux line..it can be pure hell and if Maddie wants to nurse so be! It is what is best for her and I am confident that she will move beyond it when the time is right.
Here are my Top 10 Breastfeeding Slogans:
1. I breastfeed because I couldn't produce enough formula.
2. Breastmilk: Never Been Recalled.
3. I drink until I pass out.
4. If breastfeeding in public disturbs you, please feel free to put a blanket over your face.
5. My baby does not like to eat in the bathroom, do you?
6. Yes, I am still breastfeeding; get over it.
7. Formula-$10. Paci- $2. Breastfeeding - Priceless.
8. Don't be a weaner. Breastfeeding is for toddler's too!
9. When you feed your children in a bathroom, I will too.
10. Instant Happy Baby: Just add breastmilk.
My favorite of course is number 6! I never thought I would get to this place. Before Maddie was born I had all these ideas about how wonderful nursing was going to be and how much it would bond us together. Once Maddie was born the guilt set in...I hated nursing! I didn't feel the bonding from nursing that everyone else talked about I bonded with Maddie doing everything so nursing was nothing special. I was determined to continue nursing because it was best for her and all the recommendation say you should exclusively breastfeed to six months and continue to breastfeed for a year. Then Maddie got sick to the point that nursing was the only thing that comforted her. While I hated nursing her a billion times a day I wasn't getting the help from the medical community that I needed and it made her feel better so I did it. Somewhere along the way I realized that it isn't my favorite part of our relationship but it means so much to her and brings her comfort so I accepted it. People ask me about getting her on milk now that she is all most two. It has to be her choice I have offered it to her but she has no interest. Her GI doc said "good luck with that" I guess reflux babies never really take to milk. So we continue this relationship. It is far less frequent, 3 times at the most a day unless she isn't feeling well. I have come to not really care what others think...they do not know what it is like to walk the reflux line..it can be pure hell and if Maddie wants to nurse so be! It is what is best for her and I am confident that she will move beyond it when the time is right.
Friday, August 14, 2009
She's a Star once again
Every month I check out Earth Mama Angel Babies Newsletter and tonight I was pleasently suprised with one of Maddie's breastfeeding pictures! The photo was taken for me the day after the Earth Mama shoot as a favor because I regretted not getting breastfeeding shots during our newborn session. I emailed the picture to Earth Mama to thank them...without doing their shoot I never would have asked Laurie to take these photos. The Head Mama said water squirted out her nose when she saw the picture and asked if they could use it. I'm a very proud mama now they have used three of Maddie's pictures! If you want to check it out heres the link. Warning you will see a little of me but it is tastefully done. http://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/newsletter/aug09/fullRetail.html
Thursday, August 6, 2009
More trials coming my way
Over all I would say I have handled the loss of the baby pretty good. I of course have been grieving and have my moments where I melt. I have surprised myself though with the grace I have been able to handle it with. Not everyone has supported me or Donnie the way I would have liked but we are getting through this. And through this I have found some amazing people that care about me. Loosing this baby is one of the hardest things I have had to go through. And I don't know how to grieve for a child that most of the world doesn't acknowledge or give worth to. To help me with that end I have decided to see a counselor.
Since I lost the baby my body has not felt like my own. I attributed all the pain and weird feelings to stress. However, Monday night I learned it is not stress there is something wrong with my body. I went upstairs to lay down when I was having some pain under my right ribs. However by midnight I was in horrible pain. I called my mom to talk to her about it. She said let her know and she would come stay with Maddie if I wanted to go to the E.R. She told me to ask Donnie to run to the store and get me some Tums and let her know if we needed her. Donnie left for Safeway, which is not even a mile from our house. In the time her was gone I ended up in the fetal position, bawling, and begging for relief. the pain lightened up and when Donnie got back I felt all most normal I did however pop the max dose of tums...I was not going to go through that again. I told myself I would call the doctor in the morning and make an appointment sometime this week.
The next morning I picked my mom up (her car was in the shop) and took her to work. She informed me that I was calling the doctor and I was having surgery ASAP. I knew she was right but I didn't want to admit it. I called and asked to speak to an advice nurse. I wanted to make sure that if I did have to have surgery that I could go to Legacy to have it done. My doctor's office is owned by the other hospital in town and I have had nothing but problems at that hospital. She said that would be fine but I needed to get in right away to get a diagnoses.
An hour later I am at the doctors office and within the next hour I am told exactly what I didn't want ot hear "This is Gall Bladder until proven otherwise" My mother had hers out when she was about my age and her mom had hers out at about my age and we're pretty sure that my great grandma had hers out. So bright and early the next morning I went in for the Ultra Sound. It took three positions but the tech found what he was looking for. I'm waiting now to hear from the doctors.
I am terrified of surgery. I hate needles and all sharp instruments. I didn't have any drugs in delivery because I am so terrified of the needles they would use to give them to me. I do not want to go through this but I would rather do it now then wait until I do have a newborn and a toddler. I had problems with it after Maddie was born (not this bad) and then after the miscarriage it came back to life sooo much worse I don't want to take chances and see what the next pregnancy would bring.
I'm hoping to know by tomorrow afternoon. I really want to get it done and be up and running by the time we go to California. But that might be cutting it close.
I keep hoping, wishing that someone will come and tell me that since I'm giving up my Gall Bladder I can have my baby back. I don't think that will happen. In two weeks time I have learned that I lost my baby and I will be loosing an organ. I really don't care about loosing my Gall Bladder I just don't want to do it. It feels more like someone is kicking me when I am all ready down. I think I have been fighting the surgery (my poor family and friends have had to listening to a lot of whining) because I didn't have a choice or any control over loosing my baby. I haven't even gotten back to a normal mindset and now I have deal with this? Every once in a while I will say or think something that a pregnant woman would. Apparently my brain hasn't gotten the memo...no baby here!
It's apparent from this blog that I am REALLY not over this loss. Once I mentioned it I couldn't stop talking about it. I think I have been bottling it up and trying to pretend to be ok because everyone else is...whats wrong with me? Whats wrong with me is this was MY baby! My baby that I was all ready sacrificing for, the baby I couldn't wait to meet, I couldn't wait to hear it's heartbeat, to see its sweet face and kiss it's chubby cheeks (which we know it would have!) It is so unfair that there are so many unfit parents in the world and they get to keep their babies. Women who smoke and drink all through their pregnancies and not only do they get to keep their babies a lot of times they are healthy babies! I have been holding that thought in for days! I do not mean ill will to anyone and by no means do I want anyone to go through what I have I just want my baby back and a healthy Gall Bladder would be ok. When people found out I was pregnant they asked me if I preferred a girl or boy my response was "I don't even care as long as it is healthy" I guess I have to change that response for next time "I don't care as long as it holds on in there for dear life until it is time for them to be born"
Enough with my pity party. that is where I am at. It may not be pretty but its life for me right now.
Since I lost the baby my body has not felt like my own. I attributed all the pain and weird feelings to stress. However, Monday night I learned it is not stress there is something wrong with my body. I went upstairs to lay down when I was having some pain under my right ribs. However by midnight I was in horrible pain. I called my mom to talk to her about it. She said let her know and she would come stay with Maddie if I wanted to go to the E.R. She told me to ask Donnie to run to the store and get me some Tums and let her know if we needed her. Donnie left for Safeway, which is not even a mile from our house. In the time her was gone I ended up in the fetal position, bawling, and begging for relief. the pain lightened up and when Donnie got back I felt all most normal I did however pop the max dose of tums...I was not going to go through that again. I told myself I would call the doctor in the morning and make an appointment sometime this week.
The next morning I picked my mom up (her car was in the shop) and took her to work. She informed me that I was calling the doctor and I was having surgery ASAP. I knew she was right but I didn't want to admit it. I called and asked to speak to an advice nurse. I wanted to make sure that if I did have to have surgery that I could go to Legacy to have it done. My doctor's office is owned by the other hospital in town and I have had nothing but problems at that hospital. She said that would be fine but I needed to get in right away to get a diagnoses.
An hour later I am at the doctors office and within the next hour I am told exactly what I didn't want ot hear "This is Gall Bladder until proven otherwise" My mother had hers out when she was about my age and her mom had hers out at about my age and we're pretty sure that my great grandma had hers out. So bright and early the next morning I went in for the Ultra Sound. It took three positions but the tech found what he was looking for. I'm waiting now to hear from the doctors.
I am terrified of surgery. I hate needles and all sharp instruments. I didn't have any drugs in delivery because I am so terrified of the needles they would use to give them to me. I do not want to go through this but I would rather do it now then wait until I do have a newborn and a toddler. I had problems with it after Maddie was born (not this bad) and then after the miscarriage it came back to life sooo much worse I don't want to take chances and see what the next pregnancy would bring.
I'm hoping to know by tomorrow afternoon. I really want to get it done and be up and running by the time we go to California. But that might be cutting it close.
I keep hoping, wishing that someone will come and tell me that since I'm giving up my Gall Bladder I can have my baby back. I don't think that will happen. In two weeks time I have learned that I lost my baby and I will be loosing an organ. I really don't care about loosing my Gall Bladder I just don't want to do it. It feels more like someone is kicking me when I am all ready down. I think I have been fighting the surgery (my poor family and friends have had to listening to a lot of whining) because I didn't have a choice or any control over loosing my baby. I haven't even gotten back to a normal mindset and now I have deal with this? Every once in a while I will say or think something that a pregnant woman would. Apparently my brain hasn't gotten the memo...no baby here!
It's apparent from this blog that I am REALLY not over this loss. Once I mentioned it I couldn't stop talking about it. I think I have been bottling it up and trying to pretend to be ok because everyone else is...whats wrong with me? Whats wrong with me is this was MY baby! My baby that I was all ready sacrificing for, the baby I couldn't wait to meet, I couldn't wait to hear it's heartbeat, to see its sweet face and kiss it's chubby cheeks (which we know it would have!) It is so unfair that there are so many unfit parents in the world and they get to keep their babies. Women who smoke and drink all through their pregnancies and not only do they get to keep their babies a lot of times they are healthy babies! I have been holding that thought in for days! I do not mean ill will to anyone and by no means do I want anyone to go through what I have I just want my baby back and a healthy Gall Bladder would be ok. When people found out I was pregnant they asked me if I preferred a girl or boy my response was "I don't even care as long as it is healthy" I guess I have to change that response for next time "I don't care as long as it holds on in there for dear life until it is time for them to be born"
Enough with my pity party. that is where I am at. It may not be pretty but its life for me right now.
Learning and Growing
I haven't been very good at updating our blog lately so I thought I would do a fun one. We have been busy teaching Maddie all kinds of fun things but it's the things she learns on her own that crack us up. Heres a few examples of what she has taught herself....
How to work on the computer at the desk!
She has a nack for gardening! Nana started her young!
She learned on her own not only how to steal my chair but to kick me out of it!
Teaching herself how to make a yummy snack:)
This is my favorite! She learned how to kick back on the loveseat and have control of the remote!
How to work on the computer at the desk!
She has a nack for gardening! Nana started her young!
She learned on her own not only how to steal my chair but to kick me out of it!
Teaching herself how to make a yummy snack:)
This is my favorite! She learned how to kick back on the loveseat and have control of the remote!
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